Neustadt 10W30

This one comes as a request from Stokely Wilks on the Liquor Pig Facebook group. I located it at the Pickering LCBO, and brought it over to Brian's for an evaluation. After chilling the contents, further inspection of the can found this ale described as a "malty grain premuim dark ale" with an abv of 5.5%. The back of the can stated the following:

Only the finest ingredients and our own Natural Spring Water are used to Craft-Brew this Award-Winning Malty Grain Premium Dark Ale.

Remembering my experience with Harviestoun Old Engine Oil, I was somewhat looking forward to this experience. However, the two products would prove to be vastly different on several levels.

Cracking the can, the contents poured very dark with little head. I passed Brian his sample and we remarked on the lack of smell from the beer. There was a hint of malt, but nothing to overpowering. Tasting proved to be something altogether different, though. While Harviestoun Old Engine Oil was a pleasant surprise, this beer has a very harsh, malty profile up front and suffers from extreme aftertaste issues in the finish. Brian attempted to take another drink to fully appreciate the strong flavour, and lowered his glass with a hearty "no more!" He remarked that this beer was almost Cthulhu-esque, in that it was like having an alien inside of you: the aftertaste tentacles simply do not let go. In defense of 10W30, I will go on record to state this could be a great ale for a very cold winter night, but it really is a poor choice for a warm summer evening.

Thanks again to Stokely Wilks for the suggestion on this one, and please keep them coming!

Pillitteri Estates Select Harvest

While at my mother's for dinner last week, we ran out of wine. Scrounging around her liquor cabinet came up with this tarnished gem that my mother had picked up on a winery tour with my sister. This self-described "sweet red wine" is produced by Pillitteri Estates in Niagra-on-the-Lake in Ontario, and has an abv of 11.2%. The bottle was a 2004 vintage, and we uncorked it having no idea what it would taste like. However, this bottle would soon prove to hold a nsaty surprise.

The initial nose on pouring the orangy-red liquid was of straight medicine. Raising her glass to her nose, my mother commented that it "smelled off." Hesitantly, we raised our glasses and drank. The flavour assaulted the tastebuds with a sickly sweet medicinal flavour that was more pronounced that the initial nose. It literally made me think "this must be what Southern Comfort's chardonnay-swilling aunt must taste like!" Keep in mind, I had never drank "late harvest" or so-called "ice wine" before, so it may just be that the style didn't agree with me. However, this stuff was downright nasty. As my mother lowered her glass, she remarked that she had drank low-quality homemade wine that tasted better than this crap. Caveat emptor.

Tusker Quality Lager

Imagine driving six and half hours through the Serengeti. Tired and parched you see a local tavern up ahead, where you stop for food, rest and an ice-cold ale. As your eyes adjust to the darkness within, you find see this elephant-headed logo an an advertising poster for a local beer. You order one and as you pour out the amber liquid, you think this is going to be either a terrible experience, or possibly the greatest beer I have ever had...

I was not on the Serengeti when I tried this one. However Brian did relate a story about some friends that did travel to Africa and experienced a scenario much like the one I described above. After arriving at the tavern, his friends ordered a local beer called Burpee. While three of the four beers brought to the table were fine, one of the party thought their Burpee was a "little off". The other three friends took a sip, agreed and then complained to the waiter. The waiter took on whiff of the questionable bottle, and immediately replaced it with a fresh one. Unfortunately, one sip was all it took to place everyone's digestive tract on "nuclear holocaust" on a trip through Africa's wilderness where a decent toilet is pratically unheard of. As such, we all had serious reservations when we cracked this one.

Inspecting the bottle did not provide much information other than the product has been produced since 1922 by Kenya Breweries Ltd. in Nairobi, and has an ABV of 4.2%. As I passed around the samples, we all noted that this beer did not have any kind of offensive odour, and was devoid of any kind of sea monkeys. With a hearty "cheers!" we tipped our glasses and drank. Surprisingly, this beer was actually very decent. While not being some kind of flavour explosion, it was not bitter, too sweet, overhopped or excessively malty and did not have any kind of lingering aftertaste. Michelle earnestly stated this beer was good and Brian added Tusker is the "second beer from Africa I like" (the fist being South Africa's Castle). All in all, I thought Tusker was a very refreshing beer that I can see gracing my refridgerator again. If I were the Serengeti on some kind of safari, I'd be grateful to find it available in a local pub in the bush. While Tusker may not be anything truly exceptional, it is a great refreshing brew for the dog days of summer - or an African safari across the Serengeti.

Greene King Abbot Ale

Another common sight at the LCBO is this disaster from Suffolk, England (sans the little lego man sitting on the can, of course). The cream and red can was deceptive enough, however seeing "brewed longer for a distinctive full flavour" should have been the tip off that this English ale was going to be a disaster. During my tenure at running this blog, I have found that most beer and ale that describes itself as 'full flavoured' are usually of the variety that end up in the toilet - either immediately after the initial tasting or immmediately following a bad drunk on them. Further inspection of this one found it had a modest abv of 5% and stated this about it's contents:

Abbot Ale is brewed longer to a unique recipe. This makes it a full flavoured, smooth and mature beer. It is brewed in the heart of Suffolk where master brewers have been perfecting beers of real character since 1799. So whether you are looking for a beer to enjoy with food, or simply on its own, Abbot Ale is the perfect choice.

Brian was a little hesitant when I brought this one over possibly due to the portrait of what we assumed to be the Abbot this ale is named after. Unlike the Corporal on the Corporal Brown's bottle, the Abbot is actually smiling. However, we soon found out the reason for that smile, and it was not the kind you should be pleased about seeing.

I popped the can and poured out two samples. The beer was brown and had very little head. As Brian raised his sample to his nose and exclaimed "smells good!" in the most sarcastic voice he could muster. This beer literally smelled like pain. With a shudder we raised our glasses and throwing all caution to the wind, we drank. The brew was malty, had a very bitter profile and literally attacked the throat on the finish. Surprisingly it was not bland like many English ales, but it was very hard to drink. "The Abbot is a corrupt soul," noted Brian looking at that crooked little smile on theAbbot's face as we both agreed that this one simply sucks. Perhaps the recommendation to enjoy Abbot Ale with food may in fact be so you can wash the flavour completely out of your mouth in the event you are served something that actually tastes worse than this hideous disaster. Corruption, indeed!

Summer Lightning Golden Ale

When I purchased this one, I wholly expected a pretentious ale with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. From the cross-eyed pagan motif on the label to the sea monkeys visible when held up to the light, one had to wonder how good this stuff could be. Further inspection indicated this beer is brewed in England by Hopback Brewery and has an ABV of 5%. The back label also explained that this beer is "bottle conditioned" and contained "natural yeast sediment" (aka sea monkeys) and it should be stored in an upright to prevent the sediment from mixing in the beer. The brewery's website has this to say about the product:

A trendsetter in the brewing industry; the original Summer ale brewed all year round. An extremely pleasant bitter, straw coloured beer with a terrific fresh, hoppy aroma. This, coupled with an intense bitterness, leads to an excellent long, dry finish. Probably the beer to receive the most awards in Britain!

The beer pours out golden with a thin head that barely leaves lacing in the glass. It had no discernable scent other than beer. We poured it carefully to leave most of the sea monkeys in the bottle, and knocked it back without hesitation. Surprisingly, the flavour was mild with a slightly bitter finish. Brain commented that he could get drunk on it and that there was nothing bad to say about this one. Overall, a decent beer from a country that makes very few of them. I recommend keeping an eye out for it.

Orange Peel Ale

This is an oddity from Great Lakes Brewery that I had picked up several times at the LCBO and placed back on the shelf. As regular readers of this blog know, I am not a huge fan of fruit-flavoured beer to begin with, and furthermore there is just something about "orange peel ale" that screams "jailhouse hooch." In the crazier days of my youth, I knew a few people that had served time as "wards of the state" and they had all told stories about how orange peels is one of the main ingredients to making prison booze. Despite my reservations (or perhaps because of them), I finally bit the bullet and picked up a bottle to try. Would this prove to be a tasty, fruit-infused beverage, or a bottled nightmare designed to remind cultured ex-convicts about their days on the range? We would soon find out!

Further inspection of the bottle indicated this was "beer brewed with oranges" and has an ABV of 5.3%. The back of the bottle had this to say about the product:

In our quest to bring you the most flavourful and unique beers possible, we are proud to release this tasty summer ale. Handcrafted with five specialty malts and five varieties of hops, along with just a touch of honey, we added heaps of fresh oranges and peels into the boil. A little different, you say? We sure hope so. Orange Peel Ale balances the unique flavour of oranges with generous amounts of hops to achieve a slightly fruity and refreshing taste.

Unfortunately, that description sent further involuntary shivers down my spine as this sounded like a recipe for disaster. Brian seconded my reservations, and as we poured it into our glasses, we felt that black cloud of dread creep into the room. Brian raised his glass first and smelled the contents, declaring that it had no smell other than beer. There really was no indication of what this beer was made from, other than barley and hops. We both raised our cups and drank. Surprisingly, this was a refreshing beverage with a crisp taste and a slight citrus note on the finish. Brian exclaimed "this is good beer!" as I was at loss to come up with anything bad to say about the product. Different but decent, this is an excellent beer for a lazy summer barbecue or relaxing around the pool. Don't let visions of Cell Block H scare you away from giving it a try.

Fuller's London Porter

On the heels of Fuller's ESB, we have reviewed another product from this English brewery. I picked this up at the LCBO along with several other ales that Brian and I reviewed that night. The can stated the contents were "rich, dark and complex" and it had an ABV of 5.4%.

The Fuller's website has this to say about their London Porter:

Fuller's London Porter is ranked the number one tasting Porter in the world on ratebeer.com. Indeed, London Porter is a superb, award-winning beer having captured the gold and silver medals at the 1999, 2000 and 2002 International Beer & Cider Competitions.

The origins of Porter date back to London in the early nineteenth century when it was popular to mix two or three beers -- usually an old, well-vatted or "stale" brown ale -- with a new brown ale and a pale ale. It was time-consuming for the pub owner to pull from three casks for one pint, so brewers in London tested and produced a new beer, known as entire, to match the tastes of such mixtures. Using high roasted malts, entire was dark, cloudy and hoppy. It was also easily produced in bulk and ideally suited to the soft well water of London. Very quickly, it became popular among the porters working in Billingsgate and Smithfield markets. Gradually, the beer took on the name Porter in recognition of its greatest devotees.

I popped the chilled can and poured the rich, black contents into a couple of glasses. Being a fan of Irish stout, I wondered how bad this one could be? It didn't smell bad, and the white, creamy head looked quite appealling. We both raised our glasses and took a hefty pull.

"Tarry!" came the exclamation from Brian as this one hit his tastebuds. Unlike Guinness which has a pleasant malt taste, London Porter is extremely malty and seemed to attack the tongue with a burnt chocolate taste as you drank it. While I was able to stomach mine, Brian had huge problems with this one. "I can't drink this," he stated. "It is like a Reese's commercial gone horribly wrong!" The heavy flavour of this one may be enjoyed by those who like their beer dark and malty, but keep in mind this is definitely no Guinness. As Brian dumped the contents of his glass, his final comment was "I don't need a tongue glove."