19 May 2009

Taj Mahal Lager

"Slow Brewed for the Connoisseur" states the label on this abysmal example of the brewer's art. I can honestly state that it is a rare occasion indeed when a single beverage can turn me off drinking for two days afterward, but Taj Mahal did exactly that. Brian and I had arrived in Novi and went straight to a liquor store to see what the "Great Lakes State" had to offer, and after looking over the multitude of brews available, I chose this monstrosity. We collected up the rest of our purchases and headed back to the hotel for a sampling.

Brian had serious reservations about Taj Mahal the moment he found out it was brewed in India. However, I have drank both Cobra and Kingfisher and while they may not be the finest examples of award-winning lager, they were both drinkable. Unfortunately, this did not prove to be the case with this bottled demon. I popped the cap and poured out two glasses. After handing one to Brian, I heard him exclaim, "it stinks!". I took a whiff of the liquid in my glass and was immediately treated to a full-on nasal assault. "Jesus, this IS bad!" I replied as I started to realize that this was starting to resemble one of those situations not unlike putting your truck on the roulette table in Vegas. I personally have no idea where the water is obtained to brew this stuff, but the smell immediately conjured up images of waterlogged corpses floating down the Ganges River. Hesitantly, I raised the glass to my lips and took a large mouthful. I can only describe the acrid taste as what I imagine a beer tastes like after someone pissed in it after a night of eating asparagus and drinking homemade corn whiskey. Brian tried his and observed "some things dance across the tongue... This is like a dog dragging its ass across it!". Undaunted, I raised my glass again to see if it got better after the initial taste - it didn't. I took the third pull a voice in my head suddenly screamed "WHY AM I STILL DRINKING THIS?!?" as I got up to dump the remainder of this vile brew down the drain.

I can't complete this review without a report on what this beer did to my digestive system. I know it was the Taj Mahal because Brain and I drank equal amounts of everything else that night with this one exception. I spare you the disgusting details, but the symptoms I experienced included hideous gas, stomach pain and a lower intestinal tract that was somehow set to "nuclear holocaust". These symptoms required copious amounts of Pepto to alleviate, and I was unable to do any further samplings the following night. Take my advice and try this one at your own risk. Seriously, it IS that bad!


John III said...

Good to see you on here again! And I see you are subjecting poor Brian to alcohol abuse again. Can a beer actuully taste that bad without actually being rancid? That is some BAD beer my friend. I hope it didn't kill more than just tastebuds!

Ted said...

Hey I saw the Paulander in the fridge how was it?

Liquor Pig said...

An Indian coworker of mine told me that Taj Mahal was "the worst beer in India" and is "made for poor people". I wish he had of told me BEFORE I drank it!

As for Paulaner, it was OK but it doesn't hold a candle to Erdinger weissen.

The Operator said...

Bet you wish you drank the hello kitty beer instead.

Liquor Pig said...

I just feel damned lucky this stuff didn't give me intestinal worms!