After a four hour drive to Michigan (where we decided to skip lunch to beat holiday traffic) our first instincts were to find a place to find that had which we craved most: food and beer.Our choices were limited to a local Biker Bar or an Applebee's, the Applebee's won because I don't like getting hit in the head much and I can probably take the average Applebee's patron.
The bar at said chain restaurant was stocked with a good deal of stuff I'd never had before, so it proved to be an excellent choice. After hearing the long draught list, I ordered a Sam Adams Cherry Wheat.
Why I did that: Sometimes I am still an eight year old and the thought of "cherry" makes everything better, it's hyper sweet taste improves cola, cough syrup and sundaes, so I am programmed to order it when I hear it.
After I took my first sip and discovered what cherries and beer taste like together, I remembered Dennis Leery's infamous Christmas beer rant from "Lock N Load" (transcribed below):
“Hey man, look what I got you for Christmas.”“What’s that?”“Special Sam Adams Christmas beer dispenser, man.”“Oh really?”“Yeah, it’s six different flavors…”“Y’know what? Put it in the fridge. Put it in the bottom of the fridge and bury it.”
“So months go by, of course, right? Now I’m eating pretzels and I’m thirsty. I go and open the refrigerator, I see a beer out of the corner of my eye. I grab it, I open it up SLUUURP! PHBBBBBT! Cran..berry ale. Cranberry nut crunch fucking ale! Let me tell you something, folks. Cranberries and beer do NOT go together, okay? One’s for bladder infections, one’s for getting drunk! I take a look at the label of my beer; you know what’s on my beer label? Santa Claus is on my beer label. I swear to God! Why don’t you put the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy on there, too. Call it ‘Pussy Ale’ while you’re at it, go ahead.”
“So months go by, of course, right? Now I’m eating pretzels and I’m thirsty. I go and open the refrigerator, I see a beer out of the corner of my eye. I grab it, I open it up SLUUURP! PHBBBBBT! Cran..berry ale. Cranberry nut crunch fucking ale! Let me tell you something, folks. Cranberries and beer do NOT go together, okay? One’s for bladder infections, one’s for getting drunk! I take a look at the label of my beer; you know what’s on my beer label? Santa Claus is on my beer label. I swear to God! Why don’t you put the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy on there, too. Call it ‘Pussy Ale’ while you’re at it, go ahead.”
After about three sips, the cherry stopped punching me in the face so much and perhaps it was the effect of a beer on an empty stomach but it became a tolerable beverage. For the second round I chose something different because honestly, I couldn't do two in a row.
The bottom line is, this tastes like Sam Adams and cherry juice mixed together, I did not find it offensive but it's not a taste I find myself craving either. To each his own I guess.....
_BRaIN
A while ago, there was an email passed around the office featuring the ultimate stress-relief for the workplace: The Red Binder™. The Red Binder™ could be inconspicuously left on any office shelf, ready to be called upon in moments of undue stress (such as the announcement of company-wide layoffs) or moments of ultimate celebration (like the anouncement that smarmy jerk who works two cubicles over from you was canned for accidentally sending filthy midget porn to the boss). As you can see from the photo above, the Red Binder™ holds enough alcohol and glasses for a small office party. Obviously, this is something we could all use on the job.
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