The Bacon-tini

This review was provided by my brother-in-law who invented this pork-tastic creation and wished to share this review with us. I look forward to trying this fantastic take on the current cocktail craze!

After having a wondrously pork-tastic meal, this drink was created. The perfect digestif after a cheese and pork masterpiece, it settles the stomach and caresses your palatte. The meal started with a selection of cheeses, including some cave aged gouda raclette, then we enjoyed a caesar salad where we substituted thin sliced, dried wild boar jerky (a bacon-like delicacy), and enjoyed schnitzel and Hugo's double smoked hickory bacon, (lean cut thick sliced of course). You can see the 5 star comments about the supplier of these flavourful meats provided by a multi-ribbon winner (in the meat division) from the Royal Winter Fair - Hugo's Meats on the attached weblink.

After the meal, one slice of bacon was saved, a slightly overcrisp piece that had a tight curl to one end. Here is how the recipe worked:

one part Quintessential gin (a very smooth flavour, much like Tanqueray Ten), one part Hendrick's gin (a gin with rich botanicals and floral scent, balanced well with the icy smoothness of Quintessential). 1/4 ounce of lichee liqueur. Theory here is to use the sweetness of lichee to balance against the salts of the bacon. Generously shave lemon peel into the pre-chilled glass. combine the liquids in your martini shaker, and shake vigourously. pour into the glass of lemon zest, and drape the glorious pork over the side. The lemon zest adds a near celestial sparkling quality, and adds to the citrus under-note of the gins. It also matches well with the natural flavour of the hickory in the bacon.

At first taste, I felt the heavens open up, and angles sing - a peace came over me and all was right with the world. After the bacon soaked up some of the lovely mixture, I took a bite of the saturated end. Harps played from heaven, the angels broke into a louder chorus. At that point, the Dalai Lama appeared to me asking how we were able to find such inner peace, wanting to learn the secret. For that brief moment, people laid down their guns in the middle east and gave each other hugs, and suicide bombers took off their bomb vests and made pottery.

Each person at the table was given the gift of a small bite until we reached dry bacon. Then the dry piece was snapped in two and immersed in the lush mixture. At the end of the drink, these 2 pieces of bacon were shared around the table to thunderous applause and glee.

All people involved knew they'd witnessed something akin to Einstein's unlocking the power of the atom, or Galileo placing the Sun at the centre of the solar system.

Okay, maybe I'm being a little overdramatic, but it was really really good.

Marston's Pedigree Pale Ale

This was a taster that Brian brought over to Chez Pig for review. Generally, I find Engish ale to be a bit of a paradox in that they are never terrible enough to receive the toilet treatment, yet are never really good enough to work up a thirst for (unless it is +100 outside with humidity so high your ballsack is sticking to your leg, but then even Beck's would taste good in that situation). This beer proved to be no exception. The Marston's webpage had this to say about this ale:

Marston's Pedigree™ has a distinctive flavour. This is down to its special blend of Burton spring water, Maris Otter barley, Fuggles and Goldings hops and Pedigree's™ own unique strain of yeast.

It has a dry hop aroma with a full range of complex flavours. The melding of nut, fruit and winey flavours create a smooth and very drinkable satisfying whole.

'You get lovely spicy hops, juicy malt and a very light hint of apple fruit, It's an incredible beer.'
- Roger Protz, Good Beer Guild Editor

This ale weighs in at 4.5% abv, odourless and pours clear with no sea monkeys. Brian, Liquor Piglet and myself tipped our glasses back and found that while it was generally as flat as most English ale, the flavour itself was pleasant enough. Nothing spectacular, but it was hard to find anything disagreeable about it. As Liquor Piglet remarked, it was "totally average" and I thought it was a fine candidate for moving or having a general piss-up, as I couldn't see anyone objecting to it. Brian stated the beer seemed like something "some Brit would be drinking as he was kicking you in the head." It wasn't great, but it wasn't bad either. Just an adequate middle-of-the-road English ale.

Final Rating:
Brian - 7
Liquor Piglet - 7
Liquor Pig - 7

Waterloo Radlermass

" Lemonade Lager" jumped out at me as I picked up this throwback to the shandy craze of the early 80's. While I personally tend to dislike "flavoured" beers, I have enjoyed Waterloo products enough in the past to give this one a try (I think it may be their wild pig motif that does it). The Brick Brewery website had this to say about the German-inspired creation:

After World War I, bicycle riding became popular in Germany. A local innkeeper opened his own watering hole and arranged for a bike trail through Munich to his alpine meadow, only to find some 13,000 cyclists had descended upon his establishment and almost depleted him of his fine beer. Quick thinking led him to mix a stock of lemon soda with his remaining beer and he called it Radlermass (Radler meaning cyclist and Mass means litre of beer in German), which became a wonderful refreshing summer drink.

I can only imagine what a bunch of half-drunk Germans thought when they suddenly realized their "fine beer" had been cut with lemonade, but I digress. As for our own experience, Brian, Liquor Piglet and I chilled the can down to serving temperature and noted the 4.8% abv. The brew poured clean without any sea monkeys or any discernable odour. We tipped our glasses back and discovered Waterloo Radlermass has an initial fruity, citrous taste which is quickly followed by what Brian described as "a boot mark on the back of the tongue". It became obvious that this product contains much more lemonade than beer, and was a little too fruity for our likings. Overall, I wouldn't call it bad or good and I could see how it could quench a dire thirst on a hot summer day. However I can safely say that I could never get drunk on it without becoming violently ill. Liquor Piglet fared the worst during this tasting, as she absolutely hated this concoction. As she put it, "when life gives you lemons, there really is no need to make lemonade beer."

Final Review:
Brian - 6
Liquor Pig - 6
Liquor Piglet - 2 ("Only because I didn't vomit.")

Mystery Beers

On a trip to New York City, Liquor Piglet and I stopped at the Village Pourhouse in Manhattan's East Village (64 3rd Ave at 11th Street) for lunch one afternoon. The Pourhouse is a great place with that old New York atmosphere, with 36 feet of stained glass, an expansive bar lit with the warm glow of gaslights and boasts eight HD TVs to watch your favourite team crush their rivals! The massive oak bar boasts 100 different beers on tap, and it's simply a great place to stop for lunch, watch the big game or just to stop for a pint on a warm spring afternoon.

Upon being seated, I noticed a sign on the wall that simply stated "Mystery Beers $2". Of course this was a siren's call for an adventurous boozehound like me, so I asked what the deal was. The waitress stated that for $2, they will bring you a random "mystery beer" for you to try (wino-style in a paper bag, nonetheless). Knowing this was likely to quickly become a fabulous disaster, Liquor Piglet and I placed our order and waited to see what we would get.

When the waitress returned, we quickly tore open out brown-paper packages to see what hell awaited us. Both were products from the 21st Amendment Brewery in San Francisco (who seem to have a knck for coming up with LSD-induced concoctions, by the way). I received a can of Brew Free or Die! IPA and Liquor Piglet got a can of Come Hell or High Watermelon wheat beer.

The Brew Free or Die! IPA is a concoction made from six different hops varieties, boasts a hefty abv of 7% and is apparently the biggest seller at their San Francisco brewpub. The initial scent off this stuff was a fresh hoppy smell that resembled the green stuff you use to clean the kitchen. Throwing caution to the wind, I tipped it back. My palate was immediately assaulted by a taste that can only be described as "bitter, with a hint of ass". The taste did not improve on a second pull, and as I told Liquor Piglet, "it just coats the mouth and won't let go!"

New to the whole Liquor Pig review system, Liquor Piglet was understandably nervous looking at her can. Come Hell or High Watermelon starts as a standard American wheat beer that is subjected to a secondary fermentation with fresh watermelon (!) and has an abv of 4.9%. The initial scent off this hooch is fruity and not that unpleasant. However, the illusion of a pleasant beverage was quickly shattered by the horrific taste resembling what Liquor Piglet described as "gym socks with a hint of watermelon". Her final word on the subject was "blech!"

All in all, the Village Pourhouse was a great venue with an awesome opportunity to try some random beers, LP-style! Check it out if you are ever in Manhattan.

Final Review:

Live Free or Die! IPA - 3
Come Hell or High Watermelon - 2

Unknown Sake

This is a bottle of sake that Liquor Piglet picked up on a trip to visit her sister in Japan back in 2005. Given the ornate dressing on the bottle, I'd like to think she purchased it from an acient Japanese man looking like Fu Manchu in a back alley in Tokyo, but in reality it was given to her as a gift from the class her sister taught in the Land of the Rising Sun. Having nobody to drink it with (and not being a sake drinker herself) she put it in the fridge until tonight when we cracked it open. Such a monumental occasion is perfect for the Liquor Pig resurrection, so here is our thoughts on this very Japanese drink.

As previously mentioned, the sake was obtained in Mutsu City, Japan and is packaged in an ornate bottle dressing that alludes to high quality contents. I cracked the seal on the bottle and poured two samples for us to try. The liquor itself was quite clear and appeared similar to tap water. We both detected a strong alcoholic odour from this hooch, and a slightly fruity note was apparent to myself. Liquor Piglet described the scent as "boozy". With a hearty 'cheers' we knocked back a healthy pull and were rewarded with quite a pleasant beverage. I am unsure how sake ages in comparison to regular wine, but the taste was very good to this sake virgin. The taste was slightly sweet with a smooth palate. Liquor Piglet exclaimed "I'd like me some more of that!" as she took another pull of the liquor. It should be noted however, that the taste also gave a slightly "tingly" feel on the tongue - likely the byproduct of a high alcoholic content. However, the taste definitely disguises the alcohol beautifully. While we both thought a night of sucking the sake back would result in a five-star hangover, the uninitiated would never suspect it before it was too late. I felt this was a perfect prelude for someone to give you before deciding to steal your kidneys. However, for better or worse, we'd both be more than willing to drink it again.

Final Score:

Liquor Piglet - 8.5
Liquor Pig - 8

Resurrection!

Liquor Pig is back! There has been a lot going on since I last posted to this blog. First and foremost, I have another partner to review products for this blog (she hereby wishes to be known as the Liquor Piglet) and we have bought a permanent home to host tastings in! We are currently working on a basement bar that (once completed) will be featured prominently in this blog and should prove to be the site of much drunken debauchery.

To kick things off, I will be posting a review of some Japanese sake that Liquor Piglet picked up in Matsu, Japan during a trip she went on in 2005. The bottle was cracked toninght and we did a proper review of its vintage contents. Additionally, we will be posting a review of a can of beer we picked up at the local LCBO tonight and a couple 'mystery beers' we sampled at the Village Pourhouse in Manhattan's East Village last Spring. We certainly hope the wait will worth it and you enjoy the reviews.

Enjoy!

The Liquor Pig Crew

Canuck Pale Ale

Oh Great Lakes Brewing Company, I cannot resist your charms. Despite the fact that I cannot get the morose aftertaste of your "winter beer" out of my mouth months later, when I see a new one of your over sized bottles, I must put it in my cart.

Enter "Canuck Pale Ale" purchased during the Canada/US hockey showdown of the Olympics, it was the perfect choice to show my patriotism. I hoped it would be as delicious as Orange Peel Ale was but upon my first taste that dream was shattered.

This Pale Ale has an over spiced nature to it, nowhere near as glaring as bad as the Winter beer but it left a somewhat tacky aftertaste. Numerous helpings were less discordant but I finished the bottle knowing it would probably be my last.

This is truly the middle child of beers I've tried from the Great Lakes Brewing Company, nowhere near the worst but certainly not the best. If I was offered one in a social situation, I wouldn't turn it down but I'd probably nurse it.

Overall 5/10

It goes without saying that I still look forward to their next concoction.

--Brain

Holsten Maibock

It has been my experience that any beer with the word "bock" in the name is going to be a giant can of misery. I have tried many bock beers over the years and have never once found one I would like to drink again. Spying this one at the Ajax LCBO, I thought it would be an excellent subject for review. Holsten Brewery (a fully owned subsidiary of The Carlsberg Group) was founded in northern Germany in 1953. The actual brewery webpage is written completely in German, and as such could not be used as a source of information. However, I did find a webpage that had this to say about the brand:

Holsten is one of the Carlsberg Group's biggest brands.

Holsten was first developed and produced by the Holsten Brewery in Northern Germany in 1953. Since then it has expanded to many other markets, primarily in Europe, and today you can experience the great taste of Holsten Pilsener in many countries around the globe.

Where does the Holsten name come from?

Once upon a time a Germanic tribe called the "Holsten" lived in northern Germany in the region that is now called Holstein. According to the "Chronica Slavorum", written in the 12th century, the Holsten were described as a freedom-loving, bull-headed and very hospitable people. Perhaps the founders of the Holsten-Brauerei AG had these characteristics in mind when they christened their brewery in 1879.

Upon arriving at Brian's, I handed the can to him as Michelle asked "is that a maibock?" Apparently, the two of them are big fans of this brewing style and were looking forward to the experience. Brian stated that due to the usually high alcohol content of maibock in general (Holsten Maibock weighs in at 7% abv), they are perfect for getting a glow on before seeing a movie. We chilled the beer and poured it out. The brew was amber, clear and had no odour whatsoever. The flavour was pleasant with a slight alcohol burn. However, if the beer had been slightly colder, I doubt you would have been able to detect it. "It doesn't stab you in the mouth like other high-percentage beer," remarked Brian as Michelle simply said, "I'd drink it again."

Imperial Cerveza

My sister brought this one back for me from a recent trip to Costa Rica. She said that it was the beer she drank the majority of while she was there, and thought I would like it. Apparently, she grabbed six talls for me, and realized that she had no room in her suitcase for them and that they would not allow her to board the plane with them in her carry-on. Her boyfriend then offered to pack them in his suitcase. Unfortunately, the added weight of the six talls pushed his suitcase over the weight restriction and he ended up being charges a $50 surcharge for the added weight. Quite an expensive six pack as it turns out.

The label does not indicate much about this product other than it is beer and from Costa Rica. No abv value was given, or any kind of description as to what to expect from the contents. The beer poured very clear and was devoid of any kind of odour. It was also devoid of any kind of taste, but was cool and refreshing which as Brian stated, "[is] what you'd expect a tropical beer to be." Recommended if you are ever on an eco-trek through Costa Rica, and find the tropical heat is putting a thirst on you.

Drunken Days of Yore

A Night on Barrel Wash

This is yet another bad idea that turned into a horrible experience. Any story that involves homemade liquor and thirsty twenty-something men with a will to drink anything is never going to end well. In retrospect, this one is fairly amusing simply for the sheer ignorance of the participants - Phlegm, Mad Dog Johnny, Myself and an acquaintance named Marty. while you will undoubtedly laugh at our foolish antics, I hope this serves as a warning to any self-respecting boozer who is looking for a super-cheap drunk.

On a spring afternoon in my early twenties, I received a call from Phlegm, who's parents own a nursery north of Cobourg, Ontario. The nursery had contracts with many surrounding municipalities to provide flower arrangements for their downtown areas. Many of these flower arrangements were created in a half-barrel, within which the flower arrangements were planted. The nursery usually obtained the barrels from a distillery that had used them to age whiskey and other spirits. When Phlegm called, the delivery truck that had brought the barrels had just left.

"Dude, you'll never guess what I got brewing!"

"What?" I asked.

"The barrels for our flower arrangements were just delivered from the distillery and they just reek of booze. Are you up for some barrel wash?"

It was back in public school when I first heard of barrel wash (or "swish"). For those of you who don't know, barrel wash is a form of cheap homemade liquor that is made by filling a freshly used whiskey barrel with water, recorking it and lying it on its side in the sun. Every day, one rotates the barrel a quarter turn. Usually within two weeks or so, the alcohol that has been absorbed in the wood of the barrel leeches into the water, and you have a barrel of watered-down whiskey to drink. Being a opportunistic drunkard, Phlegm had apparently taken a whiskey barrel and started the process.

"In two weeks, we'll have some piss-up," he promised. I should have taken it as a warning.

Approximately two weeks later, Phlegm called to say the wash was finished and ready to drink. I rounded up Mad Dog Johnny and Marty and headed up to the nursery, which was situated in a valley in the middle of prime farmland. Within the valley was a small creek, which Phlegm's family had dammed up to create a pond. The pond then served as a scummy, stagnant frog sanctuary which could then be used in an emergency to water the greenhouses in the event the wells ran down. The valley area around this pond was what Phlegm referred to as "The Pit" and was a prime location for bonfires, keg parties and other drunken tomfoolery regularly undertaken in our irresponsible youth.

We arrived in the late afternoon and pitched tents in The Pit. Phlegm used his tractor to bring down the barrel of wash while we gathered wood for the fire. As is got dusk, the fire was set and the barrel was tapped. We poured out the liquid in a juice jug and filled our glasses. The finished product just tasted like whiskey and water. Not harsh at all. We continued drinking as the night wore on, until Mad Dog Johnny suddenly spit his drink into the grass.

"There's a chunk of something in this booze!" he exclaimed.

We filled a glass from the barrel and checked it with a flashlight. Even in our drunkenness we could see that there were definitely black chunks in the liquid. Thoroughly grossed out, we thought the party was over until one of us realized it was char from the inside of the barrel. Apparently, the years of soaking in harsh alcohol, slight drying after being emptied followed by the water Phlegm added caused some of the char to come loose from the inside of the barrel and start floating on the liquid's surface. Relieved, we continued to drink thinking a little charred wood would never hurt anyone.

After a while, the taste of the swill was getting tiresome. Having a drunken brainstorm, Phlegm went up to the house and came back with a can of peach concentrate. He poured some of the concentrate in the jug and mixed it with the hooch. It was kinda gross, but cut away the tiresome taste of the watery whiskey. We continued drinking around the fire until we were all in a very drunken state. At some point, Marty went to his tent to pass out, Johnny was crashed on the ground someplace and Phlegm and I were finishing a final drink. I recall falling backwards off the log I was sitting on, and being unable to sit back on it. I crawled to my tent, and after several minutes of drunkenly trying to open the fly, finally opened it and crawled inside.

I somehow managed to close the fly and get inside my sleeping bag. I lay there maybe 3 minutes before I suddenly got the urge to vomit. However, being in the dark of my tent and in a very inebriated state, I couldn't work the zipper to get out. I was unable to get out, and proceeded to throw up my last drink on the floor of my tent. My last conscious memory was trying to position myself as far from the mess as possible as I (in the words of Mike Tyson) "disappeared into Bolivia."

I awoke to a world of pain. My head ached and my stomach felt like it had been kicked by a mule. Wondering what had roused me from the sweet embrace of unconsciousness, I heard Mad Dog Johnny slapping on my tent.

"Hey," he asked. "Is that pond water safe to drink?"

I vaguely recalled the scum-covered swampy pond that was used as an emergency resevoir for the greenhouses. "I don't think so, man."

"GODDAMN IT!"

"What?" I asked.

"I already drank it." he replied.

I drifted off for a while longer until I felt well enough to wander up to the house to wash my face and get some water and a paper towel with some vinegar. I washed the floor of my tent with the vinegar and took my tent down. Marty and Johnny had taken their tent down, and Johnny was lying on the grass looking pretty grim.

"What's wrong with him?" asked Phlegm.

"He drank the pond water," I replied as everyone but Johnny broke into fits of laughter.

"FUCK OFF!" cursed Johnny, as Phlegm pondered the possible bacterial and parasitic infections one could suffer as a result from drinking from a stagnant frog pond.

As we loaded our sorry asses into my old Malibu for the ride home, Johnny climbed into the back seat and lay down. Marty and I decided that a greasy burger from Harvey's might help with the hangover. We asked Johnny if he would like anything, to which we heard only mumbled curses as replies. We finished eating and headed down the highway, all the while listening to Johnny mumbling and cursing to himself. In fact, I don't think he stopped cursing until I dropped him off.

"I am pissed off and in a vile mood," he stated as he got out. "I'm going to go lay down. I feel like shit. GODDAMN IT!!"

I don't believe Johnny got too sick from drinking the pond water, but it wouldn't be something I would want to risk. More telling is the fact he willingly chose a filthy home for frogs to drink from, rather than the remains of the barrel of wash he willingly guzzled the night before. Seeing how Johnny will willingly chug Cisco, there would seem to be some kind of moral lesson in that somewhere.

Aventinus Eisbock

On occasion, we review a product that is so utterly horrific that it literally defies description. Aventinus Eisbock is a prime example of this. It is brewed by Schneider and Sohn, who also make the very good Schneider Weiss which I am quite fond of. However, this one deserves an epic fail of the brewer's art.

While I cannot remember the specifics of the experience, the beer was very dark and gave of a hideous scent. The flavour was so terrible that I actually forgot to take notes on how bad it was. However, I did manage to write down the following reactions to the experience of actually imbibing this devil's brew:

"This smells really, really bad. I pray for my tastebuds." - Michelle

"Fucking terrible!" - Me

"Ahhhhh... I hate you!" - Brian

Brian literally took one sip, cursed me and grabbed all three glasses to dispose of them in the toilet. As you can see from the spillage, he wasted no time in doing so. What an utterly godawful example of German brewing.

Aventinus Eisbock - Final Score:
Michelle -1
Myself - 1
Brian - 0

BrewDog Punk IPA

On the heels of the Drink of the Month, we have another product from Scotland. However, unlike the fine whiskey bonnie Scotland is famous for, this beverage is the bottled equivalent of a '77 Sex Pistols concert - a chaotic bloody mess. Perhaps this is where the "Punk IPA" name was inspired from. Brewed by BrewDog in Fraserburgh, Scotland, this beer has an abv of 6%.

I originally noticed this one when picking up beers for New Years Eve review. As I had already picked up several products for review, I left this one for another day. Spotting it again at the Ajax LCBO, I grabbed it along with several bottles of weissen for a piss-up at Brian's. Looking over the bottle, the pseudo-punk label describes this "post moderm classic pale ale" as thus:

This is not a lowest common denominator beer.

This is an aggressive beer.

We don't care if you don't like it.

We do not merely aspire to the proclaimed heady heights of conformity through neutrality and blandness.

It is quite doubtful that you have the taste or sophistication to appreciate the depth, character and quality of this premium craft brewed beer.

You probably don't even care that this rebellious little beer contains no preservatives or additives and uses only the finest fresh natural ingrediants.

Just go back to drinking your mass marketed, bland, cheaply made watered down lager and close the door behind you.

BrewDog: Beer for Punks

BrewDog is about breaking rules, taking risks, upsetting trends and unsettling institutions but first and foremost, great tasting beer.

I have to say without doubt, that was the most pretentious description of a product I have ever read. This beer practically begs you to hate it before you even crack it open. At this point, Brian and I had extreme reservations of what was in store for us. In my experience, good products speak for themselves. By contrast, companies that proclaim their products as "too good for you" are generally trying to push sub-standard tripe on the snooty, know-nothing crowd.

We cracked it open and poured out the samples. Immediately, the room was permeated by the pungent scent of hops which in reality was not at all unexpected for an IPA. The beer was clear, sans sea monkeys and formed a nice head. Michelle raised her sample to her nose and exclaimed "Oh god!" at the scent coming off the brew. We tipped the glasses back and my palate was immediately attacked by the extreme bitter taste. The flavour reminded me of a decayed swamp, and the bitterness continued down the throat and the gnarly aftertaste seemed to hang around like a herpes infection. Michelle described the flavour "like sucking on a tree" before declaring she couldn't finish her sample. Brian also gave a thumbs down as he remarked it was like "beer flavoured Halls." Truly a vile and undrinkable product.

BrewDog Punk IPA Final Score:
Michelle - 4
Myself - 4
Brian - 3

Drunken Days of Yore

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Drink of the Month

Canadian winters bring with them a lot of weather I could personally do without. Snow, sleet, freezing rain and sub-zero temperatures colder than ice planet Hoth are some of the afflictions suffer living in the Great White North. As such, when forced to endure such weather, nothing warms the blood like our first Drink of the Month - a good strong glass of single-malt Scotch whiskey.

As I am sure many of you are aware, I am a big fan of single malt Scotch. Some of my personal favourites include Talisker, Aberlour, Laphroaig and Cragganmore, but you really can't go wrong with any of the high-end malts. I personally drink mine neat with a splash of water to bring out the flavour. It is the perfect accompaniment to a fine Cuban cigar in front of the fire on a cold winter night.

Happy New Year!!!

First of all, I'd like to wish you all a very happy and prosperous 2010! We have a whole new decade of drinking to jump into, and I am hoping you all make the best of it! My final bender of 2009 proved to be quite blog-worthy. Aside from drinkig copious amounts of Guinness and Cordon Negro, we sampled some truly horrific ale and introduced yet another unsuspecting drunkard to the horrors of streetwine!

Hop Nouveau 2009 Wet Hopped Ale is brewed by Trafalgar Brewing Company in Oakville, Ontario. The ale is the only one brewed in Ontario with hops that are picked the same day as the beer is brewed (hence the "wet hopped" moniker). Suspiciously, the brewery's website does not mention this beer which I suspect may be due to reasons that became readily apparent after cracking it open. The beer poured a clear golden without any sea monkeys, and was very foamy. Actually, "very foamy" may be a gross understatement. This beer was nearly all foam, and the scent of it was very overpowering. As I passed out samples to Michelle, Brian, Roxanne and Dave, Roxanne remarked it smelled like "foam bodywash". We each sampled it and I agreed with Roxanne's assessment that this beer was very soapy tasting, almost as though they didn't rinse the bottles out properly while cleaning them. Brian commented that it tasted something like ginger beer, while Michelle merely stated "this is bad." Dave was having a difficult time with his sample and actually proclaimed that "this is the worst beer I have ever tasted!" He then mixed it with some Heineken and remarked that only mildly improved the flavour.

Hop Nouveau 2009 Wet Hopped Ale - Final Score
Roxanne - 2/10
Brian - 3/10
Michelle - 2/10
Dave - 2/10
Myself - 2/10

Earlier in the evening when I was coming home from work, Brian messaged me and requested to bring some Cisco. While at first I laughed at the absurdity of such a request (especially from him), he explained that Roxanne's boyfriend Dave apparently wanted to try some. Having one bottle of Cisco Strawberry behind the bar for an occasion such as this, I happily complied. After the beer tasting, we headed down the basement and I presented Dave with this hideous bottled demon. Roxanne and Michelle (both of whom I suspect had a good lot of wine in them) stated that they were also willing to try it. Dave cracked open the bottle, ignored the noxious chemical odor and poured out some samples.

As you can see, he poured a mammoth portion for himself and passed out samples. Michelle and Roxanne took one taste of it, and both exclaimed that it was horrific. Despite the reaction from the women, Dave drank his down like a soldier and commented that the stuff was vile. Brian, always the gracious host, produced a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 Orange Jubilee and gave Dave a taste of it as well. Next thing I knew, Brain pulled out the pride of his collection, the almighty Thunderbird!

Now as regular readers of this blog know, my impression of the "taste" of T-Bird is much like the same feeling you get when you stick a 9 volt battery on your tongue. In fact, I think the whole experience of drinking this swill must be something like a mild version of getting tased. Despite my warnings, Dave insisted he wanted to try it. Brian poured out a shot and Dave knocked this back as well. Unfortunately, the pre-Thunderbird smile in the picture above quickly faded into the typical streetwine despair these chemical concoctions are famous for. You can almost feel the poor guy's despair in the picture below.

What a way to ring in the new decade. I tried to get Dave to go whole-hog and knock back a shot of Wild Irish Rose, but he had enough at this point. I can't say I blame him.

In other news, I have some new things planned for Liquor Pig in 2010. This will include reviews on bars in addition to the libations they sell, a "Drink of the Month" and drunken adventures from my liquor-soaked youth. Of course, reader feedback is encouraged and always welcome. Again, here's wishing you all a fantastic 2010 and beyond!

Great Lakes Winter Ale

Great Lakes Brewery is one of many breweries that market seasonal beers. This practice started with the release of Green Tea Ale last spring, followed by the rather enjoyable Orange Peel Ale last summer, and then there was the horrific Pumpkin Ale that was marketed for Halloween. For Christmas, Great Lakes Brewery has released another seasonal novelty called Winter Ale. Typical of Great Lakes Brewery packaging for it's seasonal products, the beer comes in a 750 ml bottle with the labeling painted directly on the glass, and has an abv of 6.2%.

The Great Lakes website has this to say about the product:

Inspired by the long, cold and seemingly endless Canadian winter, our 6.2% alcohol Winter Ale is a true winter warmer. Handcrafted with specialty hops and malts, combined with generous amounts of cinnamon, honey, ginger and orange peel, this unique beer is brimming with flavour. Available only for a limited time.

Brian picked this one up at the local LCBO and invited me over to try it. After reading the description of what was used to make this brew, I was slightly dismayed with the prospect of reviewing it. I have had several beers (notably from Belgium) that used various spices in their manufacture, and all with the same miserable results. However, having survived both An Evening of Bumwine and such hateful products such as Corporal's Bitter Brown Ale and La Fin Du Monde, I decided that I would not be so easily defeated by a little cinnamon and ginger.

We popped the cap and pured out three samples. The beer is brown with little head, and had no strange smells nor sea monkeys. We tipped our samples back and drank. The beer was very spicy with a strong cinnamon flavour, with something Brian was instantly suspicious about. Michelle remarked it was "definately odd" but it wasn't entirely unpleasant. I personally thought it was quite festive, however it wasn't anything you would want to pound back all night. In fact, we all thought that a 750 of this would likely be too much for one person. While the beer was definitely "brimming with flavour", the unique flavour seemed to overpower the palate to the point where one glass seemed more than enough. As we finished the samples, Brian stated that this was like the "no-name Dr. Pepper of beers."

Great Lakes Winter Ale - Final Score:
Brian - 6/10
Michelle: 5/10
Myself - 6/10

On a final note, this will be the last post for 2009. However, we will be a tasting on New Year's Eve and I will do my best to fight off the hangover for an update on New Year's Day.

From all of us here at Liquor Pig, we wish you a safe and drunken New Years! See you in 2010!!!

Merry Christmas!

I just wanted to say MERRY CHRISTMAS from all of us here at Liquor Pig. Here's wishing all of you the best in 2010 and beyond!

Delirium Tremens

While taking a break from the mobs of crazy xmas shoppers last night, Mad Dog Johnny and I stopped in the Beer Bistro for a couple of pints. The Beer Bistro features a menu of some 200+ microbrews and select imports from all countries of the world, as well as representing all styles of beer. Upon arriving, we noticed a coaster depicting a pink elephant and advertising the subject of today's entry, a Belgian oddity called Delirium Tremens.

As we looked over the coaster, we found this quote from Stuart A. Kallen, who apparently ranked this one #1 in his "50 Greatest Beers in the World":

The name Delirium Tremens speaks for itself. Words simply cannot describe the intricate flavour of this beer - but that won't stop me from trying. The colour is golden and the head is creamy and light. The first sip warms my troat and belly like an ols woodstove does a log cabin. It's lightly hopped and surprisingly malty for such an airy, sunshiny beer. The aftertaste is fruity, almost cherry. A warming alcoholic glow works its way down the throat to the stomach. This beer must be sipped slowly so you can revel in each sweet drop. Delirium Tremens has a big body, a rich mouth feel and a long sweet aftertaste.

We ordered up two bottles and noticed that the "warming alcoholic glow" likely stems from this beer's rather heavy 8.7% abv. The beer is served with a narrow-mouthed glass that more resembles a brandy snifter than what would normally have beer served in, and is covered in pink elephants and the Delirium Tremens name. We poured out the beers and noticed the beer does indeed have a golden, if slightly cloudy appearance with a thick creamy head. There were no sea monkeys nor odd scent from the beer, so we tipped our glasses and drank.

The flavour is rather weak, with a strong alcoholic burn on the palate that follows the beer down your gullet and warms the stomach. Mad Dog Johnny remarked the beer tasted "mild, with a hint of ass." Charming. As we drank further, the "hint of ass" seemed to overpower the mild flavour and turned what seemed like an OK brew into another Belgian cup of misery. Halfway through his, Johnny made a face of disgust, and remarked "I don't like it" before chugging the rest down just to get rid of it. I drank the rest of mine at a normal pace, but really cannot say I enjoyed the experience much. It seemed to me that this was just another poor example of brewing from a country that seems to have an extremely overrated history of beer making altogether.

In closing, Mad Dog Johnny summed up his experience as thus:

"Upon completion of said Belsh beer, I found it undeniably justified to approach the bar with the empty bottle in my hand, and bust it over the head of the asspipe that had the nerve to serve it to me!"

Delirium Tremens Final Score:
Mad Dog Johnny - 2/10
Myself - 3/10

I should add that I initially scored this a 5/10, however as the flavour and alcohol taste grew on me, I reduced my feelings accordingly. Perhaps this review will finally put an end to the ridiculous claims that Belgium is some kind of epicentre of beer brewing. In my opinion, the only people who could make such an idiot statement are pretentious morons who really have no clue what good beer tastes like to begin with!

Black Chocolate Stout

Last spring when I was in Manhattan, I discovered a great draught beer called Brooklyn Lager. Locally brewed by Brooklyn Brewery, it is available in many bars and pubs around New York and was a very nice example of dark, slightly malty brew. Since then, I have tried the bottled version available here in Ontario, and while not quite as good as the draught, was still quite decent. It was due to this experience with Brooklyn Lager that I snapped up Brooklyn Brewery's newly-available Black Chocolate Stout when it became available at the LCBO.

I must admit that while being a massive fan of draught Guinness, I have found bottled stouts to be rather hit-or-miss. While Guinness has gone to great lengths to capture the essence of their world-famous draught with their very good "pub draught" bottles and cans, other breweries seem to flood the market with very bitter, overly-malted stouts often with excessive alcohol content. Knowing this, I had rather mixed feelings about the Brooklyn Brewery product when I noted the devestating 10% abv. However, based on my prior experience with their lager, I thought it was worth the risk. Further inspection of the packaging noted this beer contains only water, malted barley, hops and yeast, along with this description of the product:

Limited Bottling - Winter 09-10

In the last century, British brewers made strong stouts for the Czar's Court. They were called Imperial Stouts. Our Black Chocolate Stout, brewed once yearly for the winter season achieves a chocolate aroma and flavour through the artful blending of six varieties of black, chocolate and roasted malts.

Back at Brian's, we chilled the beer and sat down for the tasting. Michelle seemed overly excited at the prospect of a "chocolate" beer (typical woman!), however once I reminded her that not one of the so-called "chocolate" beers ever reviewed on this blog tasted like chocolate, her excitement faded somewhat. The first thing we noticed once this thick brew was poured into the glasses was it is black, and when I say black I mean literally the antithesis of a summer afternoon black. The great white shark's "doll's eyes" black. Dante's 7th Circle of Hell black (you get the picture). Coupled with this demonic blackness was the oily look of the liquid in the glass. While I have reviewed serveral beers on here that looked like old engine oil, the properties of this brew even behaved like oil in that it actually left a film on the sides of the glass as it was gently swirled around. Not a good sign at all.

By now, Michelle's former excitement about drinking chocolate beer had completely dissolved as she looked with disgust into her sample, possibly contemplating Nietzsche. We raised our glasses with a hearty 'salut!' and drank. The immediate taste was very strong and nasty malt, which finished bitterly on the palate and gave a slight alcohol burn as it went down. The malty bitterness did not fade, but stayed as strong as the initial taste. Brian remarked "this stuff climbs into your mouth, moves right in and doesn't flush!" As Michelle choked down the remains of her sample, she contemplated, "Who'd drink this? Seriously." As I waxed nostalgic about springtime in New York with this beer's sexy cousin, I really did have to wonder.

Black Chocolate Stout Final Score:
Michelle - 2
Brian - 1
Myself - 3

Westmalle Dubbel

Greetings! I apologize to my loyal followers who have been clamouring via email and comments for a new review. Instead of a lame excuse, I am simply going to state that the fall comprises of two things for me: hunting and football. While alcohol consumption is a part of both of these things, I have not had time to evaluate anything blog-worthy in some time. As such, there has not been an update in far too long. But fear not, I have not been incarcerated or done something silly like joining AA, so you can sit back, pour a drink of your choice and read today's offering from one of my least favourite beer-producing countries: Belgium!

Last week, a co-worker sent me an article on Vancouver's pub scene that appeared in the Toronto Star on 7 December 2009 (they are all aware of my particular penchant for alcohol, pubs and drinking in general). While the article was quite interesting, I recoiled in horror when I read this particular review for Stella's Tap & Tapas Bar:

You've woken with a Tom Waits voice and a head that feels like a melon on a toothpick. Welcome to the aftermath of a night out worshipping at the altar of the world's best ale-making nation. Belgian brews from Leffe and Stella Artois are on draft in a barroom lined with light, pilsner-hued wood. But it's the multi-page bottled list that'll do you in. Try fruity Mort Subite Kriek, coppery Chimay Rouge and dark X.O., a brooding, end-of-the-night beer made with cognac. And don't forget that other nutrient group: moules et frites is recommended but a cone of crispily addictive fries (served Euro-style with mayonnaise) is always a good idea.

As anyone who has followed this blog would know, many of the beers mentioned in this article have been reviewed here, and none of them were worth a return down memory lane (unless you want to get sick, that is). While the ever-popular Stella Artois is a bit of an exception to this rule, I cannot understand why anyone would pay a premium price for a beer that is quite literally the Molson Canadian of Belgium. To be perfectly honest, this bar sounds like it would be the perfect hell for me to spend eternity in (providing the Stella tap was always dry). After forwarding the description of Stella's Tap and Tapas Bar to Brian, he suggested doing yet another Belgian beer review to demonstrate once again that the Belgians know absolutely nothing about making beer.

I picked up this bottle of Westmalle Dubbel at my local LCBO. It comes in a funny 330 ml ring-necked bottle and has an ABV of 7%. Aside from the name, the entire label is written in Belgian, so no further information on this beer was available at the time of purchase. However, the Westmalle website had this to say:

Westmalle Dubbel is a dark, reddish-brown Trappist beer with a secondary fermentation in the bottle. The creamy head has the fragrance of special malt and leaves an attractive lace pattern in the glass. The flavour is rich and complex, herby and fruity with a fresh-bitter finish. It is a balanced quality beer with a soft feel in the mouth and a long, dry aftertaste. The Dubbel contains 7% alcohol.

Since 1856 the monks have also been brewing a dark Trappist beer along with their table beer. Since the recipe was modified in 1926, they have been brewing slightly heavier beer. This is the foundation of today’s Dubbel.

The 33 cl bottles are distributed individually, in baskets of six or in 24 bottle crates. The Westmalle Dubbel is also the only dark Trappist beer available on draught in some 300 selected hotels, restaurants and cafes, from kegs of 30 and 50 litres. Dubbel Trappist continues to ferment, making the draught version slightly sweeter than the bottled version.

Dubbel Trappist is also available in 75 cl bottles, in which the beer matures differently than the smaller bottles. You will particularly notice a more subtle aftertaste.

Back at Brian's, we chilled the beer and set out a few glasses for the tasting. I popped the cap and poured out the samples of what appeared a lot like homebrew to me. Michelle compared the colour of the beer to A&W root beer, while Brian stated the beer was the same colour as tar shampoo. There was no scent coming from the beer to mention, and with a healthy "Cheers!" we tipped our glasses and drank. There really was no up-front taste from this dark brew, however it left a very gross aftertaste in the back of the palate as it quite literally burned all the way down the gullet. Not a pleasant experience at all. Brian stated the taste was "mediciney" as Michelle commented that it was simply "awful". As I choked down the last of my sample, I declared this stuff was crap and after a taste of this swill, "you'd never drink it again!" Perhaps, this will finally put an end to the ridiculous myth that the Belgians make the best beer in the world. 95% of the beers I have tried from this country have been just god-awful. AVOID!

Westmalle Dubbel Final Score:
Michelle - 3/10
Brian - 3/10
Myself - 3/10